SELF DIGNITY SOLD ON TV

Mockery of the process of Counselling!

The new era of television programming in Tamil Nadu has inadvertently taken upon itself the process of conducting family counselling just like an entertainment item,with an attitude of "I am the Healer", which is nothing but a sheer mockery. This cheap practice of playing with the emotions of people through the talk shows, wherein the host is projected as a moral counsellor for family issues is not a very welcome step considering the larger welfare of the society. 

The reality shows which features a popular face, without any professional qualification and expertise in counselling as the host to deal with intricate human relationship issues within the family is a derogatory portrayal of the social and moral status of the families. No professionally qualified Social Work personnel would accept what is played out on the small screen as an acceptable solution to the issues that are discussed. At times it is disgusting to observe the questions and the state of the conversations that are being conducted on such shows. 

The poor hapless persons who are being featured on the show do not know how they are manipulated and projected to the society. To add insult to the wound, more than the actual show itself the promo is over hyped way beyond reality, to create a sensation among the viewers. It is very pathetic to witness the sorry state of insensitivity to very painful human issues which affects all and sundry.

One must remember that Family Counselling is a very professional practice which is based on many aspects like Confidentiality, Trust and Professional approaches to therapeutic interventions etc. It is no secret that such counseling must be handled by professionally qualified and experienced persons, knowing what they are doing and what is expected of them, not just decked up with glitz and glamour. 

The centrality of the issue here, is that what needs to be handled very carefully within a closed set up is played up with drama under full lights, bringing the bad side of it to the drawing rooms in prime time, which is glaring to all sections of viewers. 

For one little moment, one must imagine what impact these programs would create in the minds of young boys and girls who are just entering the adulthood phase?, since most of the programs featured involves extra marital affairs, illicit relationships and cases of domestic violence. The manner in which they are projected will sow seeds of moral degradation in the young and fertile minds, which will cause more harm to them than positive benefits. 

On the other side, I also wonder why these poor people go to the television channels for sorting out their personal issues. There are many organized and well established Family Counselling Centers with professionally qualified experts to give them a better relief than what those on the reality shows could provide.  It is high time they realize the need of upholding their very own ‘self dignity, irrespective of the conditions they live in either by circumstance or by choice.

I have carefully avoided taking names of any particular host or the TV Channel, maybe because they all seem to be sinking in the same rot. Moreover, it can also be taken that the professional ethics within me is still intact. Yet, I cannot end this blog post without posing a crucial question as to 'who is to be blamed for this social menace which is spreading its dangerous claws on the social fabric?'

Self dignity being sold on a soap opera!!!

Festival of Lights and Secular Spirit!!!

Deepavali – The festival of lights not only just brings happiness and joy to the people in the society, but there is a whole lot of other deeper significance attached to it which is very fascinating to know. The air of expectancy for any festival in India starts from the shopping spree that people resort to, as the festival fast approaches. Many times the shopping spree is the only aspect that people do really enjoy, more than the actual day of the festival.

Tiruchy Days:

As youngsters in Tiruchy, we were introduced to the concept of pre night deepavali street sales that are conducted around the teppakluam near the main guard gate. It used to be an adventurous night of wading through the crowd and just bargaining with the vendors to get goods at half price, which was usually the pattern on which the small time traders would conduct their business. It was not only e clothes, but instead any property that could be useful for each and every one. 

The innate happiness what we would get after we purchase any material or item at throw away prices from the street site sellers would be a more happy experience than the actual festival day.

Infact the joy after grabbing a new product or an item at a throw away rice would be t he talking point among any age group. As a bunch of close friends, we used to go to the main guard gate for the Deepavali night sale get drenched in the sea of humanity. The purchase would eventually end up with a sumptuous food a very preferred restaurant. For most of the adventurous guys who would make it to the Deepavali Eve Shopping it would mean that when they go back home, the festival is already gone by. On a philosophical note, this experience of going out in the night with friends can be equated with the feel of growing up in age as adults, as we would be permitted to return home late, many times it would be early morning.

New Insight @ Vilakuthoon

Deepavali Eve night shopping continued at Madurai as well as I moved to settle down at Madurai- the cultural capital of the state of Tamilnadu. Madurai with its magnificent Meenakshi Amman Temple and a whole lot festivities attached with the city has been and will always be a favoured place for many. The streets around the Meenakshi Amman Temple would be buzzing with frenzied activities on any day, since most of the textile showrooms, jewellery shops, fancy items, foot wear retailers, eating outlets and general stores are stacked up with stock and staff to handle large volume of customers.

The high mast light tower which stands at ‘Vilakuthoon’ junction is the nerve centre of all attractions during the Deepavali Eve Shopping fare, since it will be flooded in a sea of people who throng the arterial road for doing the last minute shopping for the big festival in the city. There is a pereception in the society that the street shopping is done by people from the low economic strata. If one makes a visit to Vilakuthoon area during the Deepavali season, they would find people of all segments in the society do come with their swelled purses and sparkling mood to get immersed in the shopping spree. For many it is a jolly good walk down the crowded road which can be thrilling experience. Apart from purchases like dress and fancy items, one could quench your thirst with Sugarcane Juice and have a quick bite with lots of snacks, not missing the popular 'Jiggarthanda'.

For a very long time, I was wondering from where do the street hawkers come and set up their mobile shops sell all variety of clothing and fancy items for the public during the Deepavali season in places like Madurai and Trichy, infact the whole of Tamilnadu. My curiosity started to grow in me and it rather became a desire to go beyond the crowds and locate a few street sellers to get to know them in person. I must confess that this desire was worth a try and left within me a pleasant feel of secularism.

Sales & Secular Spirit:

The first person that I met with was Mr. A. Rahaman who was selling colourful umberellas. He was a bundle of energy and positive vibration that kindled a spark within me about this concept of Sales and Secular Spirit. He hails from Tiruparankundram and he comes to the city for Deepavali sales not only to make money, but to make it with happiness. He recounts that this practice has been going for many years and that what money he makes during the Deepavali Night Sales which lasts for a week prior to the festival is a considerable amount with which his family is supported during the year. He wanted to sell his umbrellas to people by making friends with them despite the crowds. The manner in which he posed for my camera brought real goose bumps within me. I was impressed with his knack of sales and wished that he grew in stature to own a shop of umbrellas in Madurai one day.

The next was this man from Rajasthan, whose name I failed to recollect now. He was a mobile showroom, holding in his hands a couple of hangers with new frocks for girls. He spoke chaste Hindi and said that he travels all across India to sell textiles and his visit to Madurai during the Deepavali has become a sort of a planned schedule. He was a bundle of emotions, since he had problems in conversing with the Madurai folks in Tamil, but yet he was able to attract a lot of customers. I guess his turban might have helped ...perhaps!

Mr. Subramani who was selling fancy items along with his brother and wife on the pavement bang opposite to a big textile showroom was infact doing good for both. Those who stopped to buy bangles, ear rings and other fancy items also walked into the textile showroom as well. 

No wonder the Textile sales guy who was waiting at the entrance also invited me into his shop for a few photographs, whichI politely declined, since my focus was the street sales and not show room sales.

The moot point here is that he was not selling all branded products of beauty care, but despite that he had customers from all kinds to buy the items that were on display on his rickety stand. The moment I took out my camera to take a picture of him, he sported a new look with his neatly worn dress.

Lifelong lesson:

One aspect that I can share with you all is that, we Indians are mentally and socially very close knit and there is a secular fabric that is lacing us to our society. No wonder our secular identity is causing a strain to many eyes across the globe. The Festival of lights has certainly lights up many families with happiness, some with sweets and some with super sales.

Come What May...India will stand united with good Samaritans like these chosen few whom I have featured in this blog.

All Souls Day

The solemnity of observing the ‘All Souls Day’ is always a very important day of thanksgiving blended with a fond and warm sense of remembrance to the departed soul. The visit to the grave yard is not merely rhetoric, but most often something which turns out to be a soul searching moment of personal grief.

The grave yard no doubt wears a festive atmosphere, with the yearly cleaning of the area. The mud made graves are re- done by clearing all the bushes and dirt strewn around it. The sand is dug up from the nearby grave and heaped on the grave of our departed soul. The termite struck wooden cross is re -painted and the lucky one with granite are washed, so that the names and the dates of the birth and death of the departed person is clearly visible. Finally it is the topping of flowers of all kinds, especially marigold which is the commonly used flower by all. Not to forget the roses and, lilly, jasmine and paper flowers. The candles that are lit up along with the incense complete the much wanted decoration of the graves.

When all that is done, then comes the prayers which are recited by the kith and kin who stand or kneel around the grave of their dear departed ones. Some graves have huge gathering of kith and kin and they start a family rosary or a prayer; some graves have one or two people doing the same; but many graves do not any one around to stand and pray for the departed soul.  Their grave is also not done up and remains a place of dirt and dust. I often wonder why there cannot be a common fund to make up all the graves which are un-attended for years. It is a pity that there is inequality even in the form and sizes of the graves. Though it is common fact that all the grave holes are of common size of length and breadth beneath the soil, they are distinctly different in size, shape and colour above the soil.

Chicha .....!!!

Every year I make my yearly visit to the G Corner grave yard which is maintained by the parish of St. John De Britto’s Church in Subramaniapuram at Tiruchy. I spend moments of reflection which is often with tears at the grave yard of Chicha, my paternal aunty who was very fond of us, especially me since I grew up with her from my teenage onwards. Her name is Josephine Francis, but to all of us she was Chicha. A spinster who took the burden of the family on her shoulders at a very young age, she was a warrior of sorts who defended the family in times of trouble and turmoil. She was not much educated, but a very god fearing Anglo Indian Lady who was very popular in our surrounding.

To me she was very special, since we all learned our life from her, which was laced with love and prayers, we often had fights and arguments...but then they will all wade away with the night. She slogged for the family like no one, and despite her poor health she was at our service any time of the day and night. She was a character that no one could miss, who stood out with guts and valour doing chores of household work which was manual in nature. Though there are many of our loved ones in our family who have helped us grow and have departed, my relationship with Chicha is always very special.....loads and loads of personal experience can be written on endless pages about her for years to come.

What makes me very sentimental about the ‘All Souls Day’ and a visit to Chicha’s grave is something that cannot be explained in words. It is deep rooted within me and will remain  me till my last breath, since I had the divine blessing to hold her hands as she passed away.......and her last breath withered in my hands !!!

            

Roosapookaramma

(Rose Lady)

The moment I landed up with my camera at the flower market near mattuthavani bus stand in Madurai, I was expecting to take shots of various kinds of flowers for my collection. Frankly I did not realize that there would be a fantastic opportunity to get to know about some interesting persons who sell flowers.

Roses, Marigold, Jasmine, Lilly and many more flowers were all stacked up, yet something that caught my attention were the persons who were sitting behind the heap of flowers in their baskets and on their sack sporting a warm and cordial smile even at the odd hours of the day, I was there around midnight. The grit and determination of the flower vendors to have a rewarding sale by connecting with people despite the hardships they faced, was evidently surfacing from the surrounding even more than the fragrance of the flowers.

The delicate manner in which Sridevi was knotting a garland of Kadambam (a mixture of Rose petals, Marigold and Herbal Leaves which people use for their homes and offices ) was a sight to behold and could not be passed by without being caught on my camera. I asked her for a picture to be taken and she obliged, but it was sheer hard work and no smile.

Pondering why Sridevi did not smile I kept on moving around the flower market to lookout for some other persons who sold flower till I got some of them on my camera for a picture. Just then a voice called out for me and asked me why I was at the flower market at a very odd hour taking pictures. I looked around to the direction from where the sound came and got the sight of this lady who was sitting with a basket of Roses.

I walked up to her and was greeted with an instant smile that was warm and innocent. I took some pictures of the roses and then asked her what her name was? In a striking note she replied in Tamil with an authentic Madurai slang....Ennai Ellorum Rosapookaramma endru than kupuduvaargal ( All will call me as a Rose Lady). I smiled and sat down to have chat with her ...........

Rosapookaramma was very glad to pose for a photograph imagining that her photograph would be flashed in the next morning newspaper, as she mistook me to be a press photographer. I then took pains to explain to her that I am not a press photographer, but instead a writer & publisher and my purpose of visiting the flower market was to do a blog on the ‘Festival of Diwali in Madurai’, of course with a different purpose. But I promised her that I would publish her photograph in my blog.

It was hard to imagine that she sleeps and eats at the very place she sells her roses, though she hails from a neighbouring village around Melur. She goes home once in fifteen days to see her family, as this flower business in her main source of income being the only bread winner of her family. She had tears in her eyes while saying...”we have large agricultural lands back home, but there are no rains and we cannot either do farming activities or agricultural related work to earn our living”. My heart stopped for a minute.....just wondering how life could turn around. A family with lands but unable to earn out of it from their natural vocation is subjected to seek some alternative source of income generation. And that too in what conditions.....sleeping and eating in the same place where she sells her flowers. Literally living on the road.

What she said after narrating her story to me was the highlight of our brief interaction. She said ..........” I Sell Roses....and Roses comes with thorns....yet people like and love the Roses for the beauty of it, not bothering about the thorns. So also is our life....whatever difficulty we have or encounter to live we hide it as the thorns and only share the happiness to our customers by giving them a value for their money. We sell Roses with happiness and a smile, so that they go happily”.

I returned home with a bag full of Roses....though she wanted to present it to me for being kind enough to sit down for a chat, I insisted that she take the money for it, which she politely refused. But then, I managed to thrust a 100 Rupee Currency into her hands. 

She asked me to come back tomorrow to take some more fresh Roses for my Daughter. What an attitude?                                                                            

No wonder people called her “Rosapookaramma” it was hard to conceal the inner beauty that she radiated, despite living an extremely hard life day in and day out. 

I moved away from the flower market saying bye to her with a moist eyes and my heart reverberating the famous lines......“A Thing of Beauty is a Joy forever!”

Why NO?

The Archaeological  Survey of India (ASI) has decided to scrap its plan to establish a on- site museum at Keeladi  Village in Sivagangai District, where its team have excavated numerous items and materials that has deep historical evidence of the Sangam period is a rude shock to the citizens of the region, particularly to the historically significant city of Madurai.

The excavations that were found close to the banks of river Vaigai dates back to the period of 3 BC and 3AD, is just 15 kms away from Madurai, which is supposed to have a legacy of the Sangam period civilization. It is learnt that the ASI had earlier planned to establish an on-site museum at Keeladi Vilage so that the treasures found could be displayed and protected to showcase the historical past of the region. This would have been a welcome step, since the Keeladi Village is situated very close to the Madurai – Rameshewaram Highway in which thousands of tourists from India and abroad travel frequently. Moreover the on-site museum would have promoted the area as a popular tourist attraction in Tamilnadu, which is one of a rare kind. The excavation site has already drawn wide attention from the public, since thousands of visitors have visited the site and had a wonderful experience of witnessing how historical evidences are excavated, treated, restored and indexed. A large chunk of the visitors have been school and college students who have developed a pride that they have something like this close to the place where they live.

The proposed plan to shift all the artefacts and valuable materials excavated from Keeladi to the ASI Centre at out of the State of Tamilnadu is certainly not a welcome step. It amounts to packing history from a particular site, where it has deep rooted linkages and then transporting it to a place where its relevance will not be much appreciated like that of its original location.  The heritage of the site and its materials will be lost in transition to a regular museum, where people cannot have a deep understanding. History, Culture and Heritage always are better served when the land the legacy attached to it is preserved and maintained close it its originality. It is pertinent to point out that ASI functions and works hard to preserve all the materials that its officers excavate with a huge effort spent on the restoration part, which is what finally matters. The Call for an on-site museum at Keeladi is based on the similar consideration of restoring the past historical relevance of the land with the present and preserving it for the future.

Out of the 40 on-site museums maintained by the ASI in India, only one is located in Tamil Nadu, and that too in Fort. St.George in Chennai. The strong plea from the heritage lovers and the locals to the concerned authorities to establish an on-site Museum has not proved to be successful despite the unique historical importance and significance of the findings linked with the site. It is no secret that if further progress is made at the site, there could be many more findings and possibly new episodes of historical facts will emerge out of the soil.

The serious question that is emerging out now is “No to Keeladi On Site Museum?”

Festive Mood at Madurai

Madurai is an historical town that has many traditions and heritage connected to the social fabric of the region. Every aspect of the social life has a cultural significance which can easily catch up with persons who happens to visit the city. The imposing towers of Meenaksi Temple with all its splendour are a sparkling edifice that will capture the attention of people.

The city is ever bustling with festivals and ceremonies that are devotional, cultural, and heritage oriented. All through the year various kinds of festivals that are special to the town are celebrated by all sections of the people. Yet, during the Navaratri Celebrations that area around the Meenakshi Temple is decked with pomp and gaiety that adds colour and spirit to city. People flock to the Meenakshi Temple not only to offer prayers but also take part in the rich cultural festivities attached the Golu Celebrations.

The evenings are special and the best time to walk around the Meenakshi Temple, as it is lit up with eye catching lights and decorated with flowers that give a soothing effect to the eye and the mind. People who come to the temple seem more relaxed and calm to get themselves immersed in the spirit of Golu Celebrations, an aspect which is very appreciable. There seems to be a very positive vibration, since there is dance, music devotional speeches and a splendid display of dolls and varied articles that are uniquely significant with the Golu. We could see the young and the old participate with great enthusiasm and share a special bond of friendship all through the season which leads up the festival of lights ‘Deepavali’.

It is perhaps the best time of the year to be in Madurai and enjoy its beauty.                             

Tolerance – The Way To Peace

“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.

One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.”

Chinese proverb

In a democratic society, tolerance is a fundamental right for happiness to exist.  Even if we get to the point that we feel we need to say something then we must learn to say whatever is on our minds with a certain amount of beauty, poise and love.

 

A society that is tolerant of each other will grow and prosper with a feeling of togetherness and peace. Every ambition can be realized and every dream fulfilled. A tolerant society is a healthy society, which will go forward with purpose.

Being tolerant of each other and caring for each other is what makes us human.  By teaching tolerance, we allow individuality and diversity while promoting peace and a civil society.  Every person of every religion has an obligation to uphold the meaning of tolerance.  In fact, tolerance is a major belief within religion; however, it is not always practiced. 

In the multi-cultural society, that we live in it is very important to understand the needs and benefits of tolerance. We should realize that in most cases it is far easier to change our own attitudes rather than getting frustrated over failed efforts in changing the attitude of others. In this manner, we develop the skills in becoming individuals who are more tolerant.

“The highest result of education is tolerance”
Helen Keller

MAD

Make A Difference

This world is all about ordinary persons accomplishing extraordinary tasks to 'make a difference' in the society that they live in. Most often when they dare to be different, they succeed with supreme confidence.

The step forward to be counted to MAD is to take the initiative with steadfast commitment to 'Personal Development' with enrichment so that they can contribute to the empowerment of 'Social Development.' It must also be started emphatically that the youth of the Nation are called upon to develop themselves and integrate their personal growth with that of the Nation as true Nation Builders.

Today's youth in general gets a chance to be exposed to Leadership Training and Motivational Program on Leadership. Whatever inputs that they get from learned faculties will go in vain, if they are not able to translate their learning into positive action. 

The motivation and ignition has to come from within to be catalyst for change and for that they have to be mentored to get into the process of MAD.

I was truly blessed to have made use of an opportunity to mentor the youth in a leadership program recently to get enlightened towards the process of MAD.